Being in OK

After graduating from college, I did not want to come home to St. Louis. I sent out my resume to media outlets. I got a call one night about an opening at local low power television station in Ponca City. One the girls I went to school with had worked there before. I went on the interview my car broke down and the way home. I got the job at the small television station in Ponca City Oklahoma. One of my  Alcoholics Anonymous home group’s members loaned me his car for a week. I commuted 80 miles a day to and from work. The people who had supported me during college went out of there way to help me. My friend from the domestic violence shelter and her husband came to pick me and take back to Winfield in a rainstorm. The baby sitter took me to work. I got the dealer ship to resend the sale on the first car and put me into another.

I had never wanted to be an anchorperson. I when attempted to anchor SCTV our college news program I got so nervous. They said I sounded like I was rapping. The news producer/camera man told me they would provide me with training. My training consisted of live promo before my first newscast. At KPOC, I was the news director, anchorwoman reporter, and video editor. One night I was more nervous then usual. I mispronounced everything and said the call letters backwards I was suspend from on air.

I was at the jail to interview the sheriff and a reporter from the local newspaper was there. I had plagiarized his copy the night before on air. I was sure he was going to confront me. He complemented me on the story.

I went to the federal building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma one year after the bombing. I was wearing my press badge. The people were emotional and mean to the press. I took my friends middle school daughter with me. Her daughter looked up to me and I thought I could make a positive influence possibly. My favorite story that I covered was “The drug store “a scare kids away from drugs project. They take the kids on the journey drugs take you on from the party, to the hospital, to court and finally to the casket. When you look inside the casket there was a mirror. I wonder would have not been an alcoholic if I had that in high school.

The commute was hard on me. I was not spending any time with La Freda. My mom suggested I rent a room, until I could find an apartment I liked in Ponca City. She came to Ponca City to help me find some place. She took La Freda to St. Louis until I was settled. The landlord was a nice lady she had multiple scirors. One day I was having a horrible day. I ran over something knocked the water out for the boarding house. I was saying the short version of the serenity pray “fuck it”. I did not want to turn my life and my will over to the care of God. I wanted God to get me on the right course and then I wanted to take control.

I went to Narcotics and Alcohol Anonymous meetings in Ponca City because they were smaller than the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I had gotten use to small meetings in Winfield. More men from the halfway house started coming. In the meeting, someone blabbed I was a news-person. I told them I knew what anonymity was I hoped they did too.

I was talking to a white guy I met at the meetings Greg. At first, I thought Greg did not like me. One night the group was going out after the meeting but I had to go back and do the news. He invited me for coffee after the broadcast. One day we where at a pizzeria I wonder why people where looking at me was it because I was with a white guy or because I was on the news. The relationship did not go anywhere. I could not imagine being intimate with a white guy.

I was scared about being away from my support system. I asked a 17-year-old girl I met at the Narcotics Anonymous to baby sit. That was a mistake. She wrecked my car. I let her drive my car and I used the company car. In April I quit because I was feeling overwhelmed. I was working from about 9 am till 10:30pm at night. The other person that made up the news team had quit. I learned a lot but I did not feel comfortable.

My family spent graduation weekend helping me load the U-Haul truck. I had always prophecy that on graduation day the moving truck would be packed. My friend had mailed my cap and gown to me. It had gotten lost in the mail. I could not participate in commencement with out it. I went the bookstore and rented another cap and gown. Then I called my friend to make sure she would attend graduation. She gave me Tupac’s Mackeville cd as a graduation gift. She told me she had the cap and gown. I went to her house to pick it up. I did not like the length of the original gown I order. I went back to the bookstore and exchanged it.

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