Before Domestic Violence Awareness month last year we had the Rice case. Which helped fuel the discussion about domestic violence. After years of being in denial about the need to heal from domestic violence. I finally decided to attend a domestic violence support group. I realize now leaving the situation is only the first step. Being able to say you are an overcomer or survivor of domestic violence means moving past it through healing.
In the majority of my adult relationships, I have experienced intimate partner violence. I had previously refused to deal with domestic violence in counseling. In 2012, I attend a women’s support group after I the group ended I felt compelled to organize a domestic violence conference. Right before the conference I reconnected with an abusive ex. I was trying to justify his behavior in mind.
Last year a domestic violence story that stuck with me this year was about a young woman who my life mirrors. Her Facebook was public, so I got to read how our lives were the same. We both we concerned about making things better and loving family.
A few days ago I was on a radio show, and the host asked me, how I deal with negative comments when sharing my truth. The first thing that popped into my mind was about my abusive ex, who didn’t support the things that really made me heart sing. But I responded by saying look to see if there is truth in the negative comments and if not then remember that they probably don’t know who they are or God.
I know in my situation my ex-boyfriends did spiritual belief were different mine. My boundaries gradually eroded, at first, it was tolerating verbal abuse, emotional abuse and eventually financial abuse. I stayed and started to become despondent. It wasn’t until I went for routine doctor’s visit the doctor said I would live to be 100 years old, and I thought I don’t want to live like this that long. Another thing that inspired me to leave the situation was, the thought, what if I decide I not ready to die. What if a psychical altercation happens and I get scared and make a decision that alters my life.
Before my most recent domestic violence experience, I didn’t feel I was really qualified to be an advocate for domestic violence. I had too many, not yets. Not yet had I been hospitalized due to domestic violence, not yet had I had the shit beaten out of me. (God willing I hopefully I will not have to experience that).
Last year I came to the realization that I was groomed to experience domestic violence. I thought I was doing enough to heal with attending domestic violence support group, but recently I realized I am still attracting controlling men. So I know I am just beginning the journey of becoming a domestic violence overcomer.
Breaking the silence is helping me. I am thankful to the women who have lived to tell their stories. In my home state of Missouri here are the statics for domestic violence